Posted on December 11, 2025
Mental Health
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It’s impossible. Yet every holiday season it can feel like we’re pulled in different directions by everyone else’s expectations of where we should be and when we should be there. Many of us end up feeling guilty for disappointing relatives; some feel manipulated when they try to set healthy boundaries. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone: polls consistently show that most adults experience increased holiday stress driven by finances, time demands, missing loved ones, and family conflict.
Have you stopped to ask what you want, and where you want to be? Do you really want three turkey dinners on Thanksgiving? Do you want to spend most of Christmas Day in a car going from house to house? My guess is your answer is “no.”
As life moves, families change—divorce, remarriage, adult children marrying, cohabiting, or relocating, and multi-generational or blended households becoming more common. Traditions are important, but they can—and often must—adapt to new realities. Healthy families repair and reshape rituals when life shifts, rather than forcing the old format at all costs.
Sometimes we try so hard to keep traditions that we lose sight of why we started them. The holidays become about checking boxes—events, people, and stuff—rather than enjoying time with family and remembering the real reason for the Christmas season.
Below is a practical set of questions (and gentle scripts) to help you make this year’s holidays meaningful, manageable, and merciful—for you and the people you love.
We often forget to ask what we want for ourselves and our children. It’s healthy to plan time for your immediate family and to begin traditions of your own. If you’re in a blended/long‑distance family, write out what matters most (church services, quiet mornings, one special meal, service projects) and share it early with relatives. Setting a plan now prevents last‑minute pressure later and aligns with guidance to keep expectations realistic during high‑stress seasons.
Try this: “We love celebrating with everyone, and we’re keeping things balanced this year. We’ll be at [event A], we’ll host [simple tradition] at home, and we’re saving [another visit] for January.”
If a parent or relative has a long list, ask which one or two are most important to them. It’s OK—really—to say no to the rest. That’s not selfish; it’s how families adapt gracefully as they grow and add new members and schedules. Mental‑health groups encourage boundary‑setting during the holidays to reduce stress and prevent burnout.
Try this: “We can make the Christmas Eve service and the afternoon dessert open house. We’ll skip the late dinner so the kids can keep their routine.”
If everyone has always gone to Great‑Grandma’s on Christmas Eve but your children want to be in the church pageant, suggest visiting New Year’s weekend or mid‑January. You’ll likely get more meaningful time with her, and the visit helps spread out guests. Changing timing — rather than abandoning connection — honors both tradition and present‑day realities.
Try this: “We want to be at the pageant this year. Could we bring lunch and stay longer with Great‑Grandma the first weekend in January?”
Keep basics strong: sleep, simple meals, movement, prayer, and quiet. Plan small re‑energizing moments (a candlelit devotional, a short walk, journaling gratitude, saying “no” without guilt). Evidence‑based guidance from APA and SAMHSA encourages realistic expectations, present‑moment focus, and self‑care to lower holiday stress.
Try this: “We’re keeping Christmas morning slow at home — pajamas, cinnamon rolls, and Luke 2 — then heading out after lunch.”
Boundaries are loving limits that protect your time, energy, and finances. Clarify arrivals/departures, alcohol expectations, sleeping arrangements, and topics to avoid. It’s okay to bow out of events that consistently leave you depleted. Therapists widely recommend having an exit plan, a supportive friend on standby, and permission to leave early if needed.
Try this: “We’ll arrive at 4 and head out by 6:30. If conversations get heated, we’ll take a walk — or we may call it a night.”
The 2024–2025 climate has added stress and polarization for many households. If politics or painful topics tend to derail gatherings, proactively agree on kind conversation guardrails or choose shorter visits focused on shared activities (games, cooking, carols). Many adults report wanting to avoid political discussions at holiday tables. Give yourself permission to redirect.
Try this: “We’re keeping dinner light—no politics tonight. Let’s talk about travel stories and favorite Christmas hymns.”
Grief, distance, and estrangement can make the season heavier. Choose one meaningful way to remember or connect: light a candle, share a favorite story, send a note, schedule a January call or visit. This aligns with resilience guidance to honor diverse traditions and emotions while maintaining connection.
Financial strain is the top holiday stressor for many families. Decide your giving budget and stick to simple, thoughtful gifts; remember that presence beats presents. Build buffer days between events so you’re not driving and spending all day, every day.
Try this: “We’re gifting small and meaningful this year and trading a few store buys for handwritten notes and service.”
Traditions are signposts; Christ is the destination. If an old tradition no longer reflects your family’s reality or your faith, bless it — and release it. Replace it with something that draws you closer to the Lord and to each other: worship, Scripture reading, serving a neighbor, or making space for rest and joy. APA’s holiday guidance echoes this: remember what’s important, and let go of perfection.
If holiday stress feels overwhelming, reach out. Telehealth and in‑person counseling remain accessible and effective for navigating family dynamics, grief, and boundary‑setting. Lutheran Family Service counselors are available confidentially and can help you craft a plan that fits your home and season. National resources also encourage self‑care and inclusive, realistic expectations for the holidays.
You don’t have to be everywhere—and you’re not called to please everyone. With a clear plan, kind boundaries, and a focus on what matters most, you can reclaim the season for connection, worship, and peace.
If you or someone you know would benefit from Christ-centered mental health counseling, refer to or contact us today.
Lutheran Family Service walks with those experiencing difficult times through mental health counseling, marriage counseling, crisis pregnancy counseling, and adoption services.
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