Posted on April 21, 2025 by Sue Shields
Adoption
Share
Adoption is a lifelong journey filled with joy, complexity, growth, and faith. As families consider adoption, it’s important to separate fact from fiction. Our culture, media, and even well-meaning friends often contribute to adoption myths or misunderstandings that can make the adoption journey more challenging. At Lutheran Family Service, we walk alongside families to offer truth, support, and a Christ-centered perspective every step of the way.
Here, we explore some of the most common adoption myths and the truths that reflect the real experiences of adoptive families.
There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. Adoption agencies and birthparents aren’t looking for a flawless family. What matters most is a heart willing to love and a home that’s safe, stable, and faith-filled. Families who feel called to adopt and desire to raise a child in a loving Christian home are already on the right path.
While some parents do feel an immediate bond, love often grows through time, shared experiences, and consistency. That’s true for both adoptive and biological families. Attachment takes patience, grace, and a daily choice to show up and care.
Adoption is not a backup plan or second-best option—it’s a beautiful way God builds families. Just as we are adopted into God’s family, earthly adoption is a powerful expression of love and calling. Many adoptive parents look back with gratitude for the journey that led them to adoption. Whether through biology, foster care, or adoption—every path to parenthood is uniquely blessed.
Especially in cases of transracial or international adoption, people may feel entitled to ask questions or make assumptions. The truth is, families adopt for many reasons—and those reasons belong to them. What you choose to share is your decision. Children deserve dignity and privacy, and should be empowered to share their story in their own way and time.
At the same time, it’s healthy to build a trusted circle of support. Whether you share a little or a lot, do what’s best for your family and your child.
Motherhood isn’t defined by giving birth—it’s defined by love. The myth that “real women do hard labor” dismisses the heart of parenting, which is daily sacrifice, nurturing, and showing up no matter what. Adoptive moms don’t have anything to prove. Their love is just as real, deep, and committed.
It’s normal to wrestle with feelings of inadequacy. But real parenting is about walking alongside your child through every joy and challenge, not about biology.
Adoption is full of gratitude—but it’s also full of complexity. Waiting parents may wrestle with the pressure to feel grateful before they even become parents. Even after adoption, emotions like grief, disappointment, and resentment can surface—and that’s okay.
You may grieve the loss of a dream or the experience of childbirth. You might feel overprotective or overwhelmed by your child’s emotional needs. That doesn’t make you a bad parent—it makes you human.
This duality of gratitude and grief affects birth parents and adoptees too. Parenting isn’t about being appreciated—it’s about giving love freely and walking in grace.
Children are naturally curious about their story. In open adoptions, many questions are answered early, reducing confusion and anxiety. In closed adoptions, questions may linger longer, especially if the truth is withheld.
Honest, age-appropriate conversations build trust. Children can handle truth when it’s shared with love and safety. It’s okay if your child is curious—that doesn’t mean they love you less.
Children should grow up always knowing their adoption story. When they do, adoption becomes a natural, celebrated part of their identity. There’s no “right age” to start—it begins with simple, loving conversations even in infancy.
Books, family traditions, and open dialogue help kids feel confident in their story and secure in your love.
Being a parent isn’t about DNA—it’s about the daily work of loving, guiding, and nurturing a child. A “real” parent is the one who stays up at night, celebrates the milestones, and comforts the tears. Use terms like “birth parents” instead of “real parents” to honor all parts of your child’s story.
All families face doubts and challenges, whether formed biologically or through adoption. It’s normal to wonder, “Will this child feel like mine?” or “Will we bond?”
With time, shared memories, and unconditional love, families grow strong. Adoptive parents bond with their children just as deeply as biological parents.
Adoption is a lifelong journey. As your child grows, they’ll revisit their story in new ways. Their questions may evolve. Their emotions might shift. And that’s all part of the journey.
What matters most is your willingness to walk with them, listen without judgment, and offer consistent reassurance that they are loved, wanted, and chosen.
Adoption is full of beauty, complexity, and grace. It isn’t always easy—but it’s always worth it. Whether you’re an adoptive parent, a birth parent, or an adoptee, your story matters. And you are never alone.
At Lutheran Family Service, we’re here to support you through the questions, the joys, and everything in between. Adoption isn’t just a choice—it’s a calling, a relationship, and a powerful reflection of God’s love for us.
“He predestined us for adoption to Himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will.” – Ephesians 1:5
If you’re considering adoption or navigating your own journey, reach out. We would be honored to walk beside you in prayer, support, and hope. Learn more about Christian adoption through Lutheran Family Service HERE.
More posts about Adoption
