Posted on April 29, 2025 by Sue Shields
Adoption
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This post is part of our “Talking with Your Child About Adoption” series from Lutheran Family Service — offering Christ-centered support for adoptive families.
Talking with Your Child About Adoption: Why It Matters and When to Begin
Adoption is a beautiful and sacred part of many families’ stories. Yet, for adoptive families, knowing when and how to talk with their child about adoption can feel overwhelming. Should you wait until they ask questions? Should you wait until they’re old enough to understand?
The truth is, having open and loving conversations about adoption from the very beginning is one of the most important ways to build trust, security, and a strong family bond. As Christian families, we are called to walk in truth and love — reflecting God’s steadfast love to our children through every season of their lives.
In this article, we’ll explore why talking about adoption matters, when to begin, and how to lay a foundation for lifelong openness and connection.
Why Talking About Adoption Matters
1. It Builds Trust and Security
When children understand their adoption story early, they feel safe within their family. They learn that their parents are open, trustworthy, and a safe place to bring all of their questions and emotions. This security lays a firm foundation for their growth, confidence, and identity.
2. It Prevents Secrecy and Confusion
Avoiding conversations about adoption can create an atmosphere of secrecy, even if unintentional. Silence can make children wonder if their story is something to hide or be ashamed of. Open dialogue normalizes adoption and helps children feel proud of who they are and where they came from.
3. It Helps Children Form a Healthy Identity
Every child’s story is a vital part of who they are. Knowing about their birth family, background, and the love that brought them into your home helps them develop a strong sense of worth. Celebrating their adoption journey reinforces the truth that they are deeply loved, valued, and wonderfully made by God.
4. It Creates Open Communication Between Parents and Child
When you begin these conversations early and often, you set the stage for lifelong communication. Your child will know they can come to you with their emotions, questions, or struggles at any stage of life, without fear of judgment.
By fostering honest, age-appropriate conversations about adoption, you are giving your child the tools they need to embrace their story and thrive in the love of their family and of their Savior.
When Should You Start Talking About Adoption?
The Earlier, the Better
Start talking about adoption from the very beginning. Even if your child is too young to fully understand, using adoption language early creates an environment of openness and normalcy. It will become part of their everyday life, not something surprising or uncomfortable later on.
Use Simple, Gentle Language
Tailor your words to your child’s developmental stage. For a young child, it might sound like:
“You grew in another mommy’s tummy, and God brought you to our family to love and care for you forever.”
As your child grows, their questions and understanding will naturally deepen, and your conversations can grow with them.
Make It an Ongoing Conversation
Adoption is not a one-time talk; it’s a lifelong journey of discovery. Keep the lines of communication open by:
Let your child know: There is never a wrong time to talk about adoption in your home.
As Scripture reminds us:
“Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.”
— 1 John 3:18 (ESV)
Through ongoing truth and love, you build a relationship rooted in trust, security, and the boundless grace of Christ.
This article is part of our series, “Talking with Your Child About Adoption,” created to support adoptive families in navigating conversations with love, honesty, and Christ-centered compassion. Explore the full series to find practical tools, encouragement, and faith-filled guidance at every stage of your child’s journey:
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