Posted on April 11, 2026 by Kim Laube
Unplanned Pregnancy Counseling
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Women considering an adoption plan often carry fears that feel overwhelming, isolating, and impossible to speak aloud. After years of walking with birth parents and adoptees, I’ve learned that these fears are not only common — they are deeply human. And they deserve honest, compassionate answers.
Below are three of the fears I hear most often, along with the truths that can help bring clarity and peace.
This fear is universal among women considering adoption. But what I’ve heard from adult adoptees tells a very different story.
I’ve taken countless calls from adoptees hoping to reconnect with their birth mothers. When I ask what message they want me to pass along — just in case they never get the chance to say it themselves — the most common response is:
“Tell her thank you. Tell her I love her. I know it must have been so hard to give me a chance at life.”
Adoptees often express gratitude, compassion, and a desire for connection — not anger.
When we train adoptive families, we emphasize that how they speak about birth parents shapes a child’s self‑worth. Children internalize the story they’re given. When adoptive families honor the birth mother’s courage, the child grows up understanding their adoption as an act of love — not abandonment.
Open adoption, when chosen, strengthens this even more. Children who grow up knowing their birth mother often have a clear, grounded understanding of why a loving adoption plan was made.
This fear is real — and appropriate. Every birth parent deserves assurance that their child will be safe.
Adoption agencies take this responsibility seriously. Before a family is ever approved, they undergo a comprehensive home study that includes:
Families also complete extensive education — online courses, reading assignments, and in‑person training — to prepare them for the lifelong responsibilities of adoption.
The process is intentionally rigorous because the safety and well‑being of the child is non‑negotiable.
This is the fear that sits deepest in the heart. The grief is real, and no amount of preparation removes the ache of saying goodbye.
But there are ways to begin healing:
Say goodbye. Speak your reasons. Write a letter if you can. Avoiding the moment doesn’t prevent the pain — it only delays the healing.
When doubt rises later, return to the truth: you made a loving plan for your child’s well‑being. Ask yourself whether anything about that has changed, or whether you’re responding to the weight of grief.
Birth parent counseling exists for a reason. You don’t have to process this alone. If you prefer not to meet with the counselor who assisted with the placement, choose someone else. What matters is that you talk. Silence makes grief heavier.
For women who haven’t told family or friends about the pregnancy, professional support is especially important. Secrets intensify pain; safe people help carry it.
If you or someone you know is considering adoption, or looking for help to choose the adoptive family that is right for them, please have them reach out via text, email, web form or phone.
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