Posted on June 4, 2026 by Janel Lincoln, LMSW
Parenting
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As summer break stretches on, many parents find themselves spending more time with their children than usual. While summer can create opportunities for connection, it can also bring challenges, frustration, and moments when patience wears thin. During these long days, it’s important to remember one powerful truth: your child does not need a perfect parent.
Did you know that research shows children need a “good enough” parent, not a perfect one, but one who consistently shows up and does their best?
This concept was first introduced in the 1950s by pediatrician and psychoanalyst Dr. Donald Winnicott. His work demonstrated that children thrive when they have a reliable, attuned caregiver who responds to their needs and offers support during moments of distress. Decades of research continue to support this idea. Children do not benefit from perfection; they benefit from connection, consistency, and care.
In a world where social media often showcases idealized versions of parenting, it can be easy to feel pressure to get everything right. But the goal isn’t perfection, it’s presence.
In parenting, as in all areas of life, mistakes will happen. Parents may lose their patience, make a poor decision, or say something they later regret. These moments can feel discouraging, but they do not define your relationship with your child.
A mistake does not equal permanent damage. In fact, mistakes can become valuable opportunities for growth and repair.
When parents acknowledge their missteps, apologize, and work to reconnect, they model accountability and emotional maturity. Children learn that everyone makes mistakes and that healthy relationships include repair. Often, it’s not the mistake itself that has the greatest impact, but what happens afterward.
Many parents try to avoid conflict whenever possible, but conflict itself is not the enemy. When viewed through a growth mindset, conflict becomes an opportunity for learning.
Disagreements can help children develop communication skills, empathy, problem-solving abilities, and forgiveness. Difficult moments can teach children how to navigate relationships in healthy ways and understand perspectives different from their own.
Rather than seeing every conflict as a failure, parents can view it as a chance to strengthen connection and build resilience.
In the book The Whole-Brain Child, Dr. Dan Siegel explains that young children’s emotional right brain develops earlier than their logical left brain. This is one reason tantrums and emotional outbursts are so common in childhood.
Siegel encourages parents to “Connect and Redirect.” The idea is simple but powerful: connect with the child emotionally before trying to teach, correct, or discipline. When children feel understood, their nervous systems begin to calm. Once they are regulated, they are much more capable of listening, learning, and problem-solving.
This approach can be effective not only with young children but with older kids and teens as well.
This lesson applies to parents, too. When a parent is overwhelmed, angry, or dysregulated, productive conversations become much more difficult.
Parents are often the emotional regulators in the room. Children naturally absorb and react to the energy around them. By practicing self-regulation, parents can help create a calmer environment for everyone.
Simple tools such as deep breathing, taking a brief break, stepping outside, or going for a walk can help reset emotions. Just as importantly, when children see parents using healthy coping skills, they learn how to use those same skills themselves.
As summer days grow longer and challenges inevitably arise, remember that connection, not perfection, is what children need most.
Strong relationships are built through everyday moments of care, repair, and presence. When parents focus on connection, they help their children develop resilience, emotional intelligence, and confidence. And when mistakes happen, as they always will, those moments can become opportunities to strengthen the bond rather than weaken it.
The goal is not to be a perfect parent. The goal is to be a connected one.
If you or someone you know would benefit from support navigating the complexities of family life, contact us today.
Lutheran Family Service walks with those experiencing difficult times through mental health counseling, marriage counseling, crisis pregnancy counseling, and adoption services.
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