Posted on May 28, 2025 by Rev. Dave Gunderson, tLMFT
Church Worker Wellness
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Most church workers would say, “All members in the church are important to God.” That is certainly true, as God’s word teaches all our part of the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12). However, I suggest that for the pastor or church worker who is married, that the most important member in the church is their spouse.
In our first congregation, my wife and I were truly blessed with a wonderful congregation where we served for nine years. On Sundays in that church, I often greeted people at the door as they came into the small narthex. However, when 9:00 a.m. came, the organist would ring a bell and I proceeded to walk down the aisle and begin the service. This was my tradition.
On one wintery day, my wife entered the narthex at 9:00 a.m. as the organist began to ring the bell, I smiled at her and said, “Good morning” and then headed down the aisle to do my thing.
I left her with her hands holding our darling baby daughter, and she ended up having to unbundle the baby by herself, hang up her coat by herself, and then enter the church to find a spot to sit by herself.
At the noon meal that day, my lovely wife told me, “If that had been any other young mother in the congregation coming into the church at that time, you would have helped them with their coat and help them with their child!”
She was absolutely right! Like most pastors, I wanted to show kindness to every church members and guest who walked into the church. But on that Sunday, I had failed to do it for a member. A member who is also my wife and the mother of my children. A member who I promised to love and cherish all my life. That promise I made long before I became a pastor. But on that Sunday, I failed to show kindness to my most important member of the church.
I stress most important because your spouse is a church member but also your partner, your helpmate, and the one person in the congregation who knows you better than anyone else. When times are tough and church leaders may be upset with you, your spouse will be the one to hear your grumblings and frustrations. Your spouse will be the one to pray with you and for you each and every day. Other members hopefully are praying too, but your spouse knows your needs better than anyone.
This “important” member is also the one person who can tell you the way it is, even if you don’t want to hear it. Back in the seminary, Professor Rossow once stated to a class of future pastors, “Your wife may not know theology well, but she can tell you when you have been a jerk in the pulpit.”
In my ministry, my wife shared constructive comments, but she also comforted me as I struggled with an upcoming voter’s meeting. I was struggling with doubt about the voter’s decision to build or not to build, when my lovely wife stated, “Why are you worried, God already knows how it will turn out.” Those words helped me that day and throughout my ministry.
At the seminary, Dr. L Dean Hempelmann told his pastoral theology class that our attitude towards ministry should be, “God, spouse, family and then being a pastor.” Being a pastor or church worker maybe our career, but it is not who we are. While being a church worker can be a wonderful way to serve the Lord, it is not the only way to serve our Savior. We serve our Savior as we care and love our spouse and children. We serve our Savior as we care for our parents and neighbors. A pastor or church worker who puts their church work above spouse or family is not doing what is pleasing in God’s sight.
1. Take TIME to spend with your loved ones.
Set aside a specific day or days of the week as your time off to spend with your loved ones. Setting a specific day off in the church calendar is telling the congregation your family is important, but it is also teaching them to take time for their loved ones. However, one day a week is not enough for your family, you need to find time throughout the week for those you love.
2. Take TIME for date nights with your spouse.
3. Take TIME for family nights/activities.
Do something special with your family each week. Go to a park or a lake and play games. Go into the backyard and play a game. Have a movie night with popcorn or other snacks.
4. Take TIME to go to your children’s soccer games or school events.
One blessing many church workers have is flexibility during the day to attend children’s events in schools like a school party.
5. Take TIME to go on family vacations in order to spend more TIME with the ones you love.
6. Make EXTRA TIME in your monthly schedule for doing other activities with your family and spouse.
Most people get two days off a week, so give yourself an extra day off now and then)
7. Make EXTRA TIME by reducing church meetings.
Having ten Elder meetings a year instead of twelve, gives you extra time and the same could be done with education committees or LWML meetings.
8. Make EXTRA TIME in your life by allowing others in the congregation to do the “religious things” like doing an opening prayer or devotion.
9. Protect your family TIME by not answering your phone or text message during the evening meal, or on your day off.
Further, protect your TIME with family by reminding people that this can be discussed at the church office during office hours and not while you are enjoying a dinner out with your family at local restaurant. Before your set that date and TIME for a wedding or retreat, be considerate and double check with your spouse if that will work in your family’s schedule. Your anniversary or other family events do not have to take second to someone else’s schedule
10. Examine the TIME you are spending at work.
If a church worker is averaging fifty or more hours a week at church, then look seriously at why you are spending that much time. Visiting the sick and shut-ins is important, but maybe instead of seeing every shut-in every month, you see them every six weeks, thus giving you extra time for other duties.
TIME is a precious gift and how you use it shows your family and the congregation what is important!
In dealing with any church member, we want them to feel important and special, because they are in God’s sight. God created them, Christ died for them, and the Holy Spirit has called them to be one of God’s children. However, what is true for church members is also true for those “church” members in your home.
In my ministry, I often avoided a last-minute meeting someone tried to schedule, simply by saying, I already have a meeting today with a member. That member was my wife and we were going out for dinner, because she is a very important person in my life and I wanted her to know it!
If you as a church worker (or that special church worker in your life) are in need of Christ-centered mental health or marriage counseling, contact us today.
Lutheran Family Service walks with those experiencing difficult times through mental health counseling, marriage counseling, crisis pregnancy counseling, and adoption services.
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