Seeking God’s Wisdom When Asked To Foster Or Adopt A Relative’s Child

You get the phone call you’ve been dreading.

Your child, sibling, or another relative has made choices that have put their children at risk. Because the situation is no longer safe, the children must be removed from the home.

You know this is the right decision. The addiction, untreated mental illness, abuse, neglect, or instability in the home is harming the children.

Then comes the question:

Would you be willing to take these children into your home?

It is a question that deserves careful consideration. This is a life-changing decision—not just for you, but for the children involved. The last thing these children need is another adult who makes a promise they cannot keep.

That may sound harsh, but it is important to be honest. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is carefully consider what you can realistically commit to before saying yes.

Jesus gives us wisdom for decisions like this:

“For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:28)

Before making a commitment, count the cost. Pray. Seek wisdom. Gather information. Understand what you are being asked to do.

That doesn’t mean the answer should be “no.” In some cases, caring for these children may be exactly what God is calling you to do. It simply means you should understand what you’re signing up for before you answer.

Questions To Consider

1. What is your relationship with these children?

Do you know them well, or have you had little contact with them? Existing relationships can make a significant difference in helping children adjust to your home. It doesn’t determine your decision, but it does affect what the transition may look like.

2. If you are married, are you and your spouse in agreement? 

This is not a decision to pressure someone into making. Both spouses need to be honest about their concerns, fears, and expectations.

3. Do you have children still living at home?

How do they feel about welcoming additional children into the family? Could the placement create risks or challenges for your current household?

4. Are you already navigating a blended family situation?

If the children are biologically related to one spouse but not the other, additional family dynamics may need to be considered.

5. What needs do the children have?

Do they have food allergies, developmental delays, autism, ADHD, trauma histories, medical conditions, or other challenges? Talk with social workers, ask questions, and do your research. Understanding a child’s needs helps you determine whether you can provide the care they require.

6. What is your health, age, and financial situation?

Can you reasonably care for these children until adulthood? Consider your physical health, energy level, financial resources, and long-term plans.

7. How many children are involved?

Taking in one child presents different challenges than taking in a sibling group of three or four children.

8. Can your living situation accommodate additional family members?

Think through bedrooms, transportation, school arrangements, and the practical realities of day-to-day life.

Steps To Take

1. Pray — and don’t be rushed.

Ask the Lord for wisdom, discernment, and peace. This decision deserves serious prayer.

2. Do your homework — and don’t be rushed.

Learn about the children’s needs, available support services, insurance coverage, financial assistance, housing requirements, and any other relevant factors.

3. Be honest — and don’t be rushed.

Be honest about your hopes, fears, limitations, and concerns. This is not the time to hide your reservations or pretend you are comfortable with things that concern you.

4. Seek wise counsel — and don’t be rushed.

Talk with people who understand foster care, kinship care, and adoption. Organizations such as Lutheran Family Service and other trusted professionals can help you understand your options and connect you with resources.

5. Rely on the Holy Spirit — and don’t be rushed.

Other people can provide information and advice, but no one else can make this decision for you. Seek God’s guidance and trust Him as you move forward.

Why “Don’t Be Rushed” Matters

Did you notice the repeated phrase: don’t be rushed?

It is easy to make an emotional decision. You don’t want the children entering foster care. You may feel guilty saying no. You may believe that your Christian duty is to take them no matter what.

But a decision made out of guilt is not always a wise decision.

Children need stability. They need caregivers who can provide a safe, loving, and lasting home. If you commit to caring for them and later discover you cannot continue, that can create additional hurt and disruption in their lives.

Sometimes the most faithful response is to say yes. Sometimes the most faithful response is to recognize your limitations and support the children in another way.

A Personal Reflection

My husband and I faced a similar decision last year when three of our grandchildren were removed from my son’s and his girlfriend’s home.

We had a very honest conversation about whether we could take them. As difficult as it was, we had to acknowledge reality. We are in our late sixties, and we did not believe we could successfully raise three children under the age of seven through adulthood.

Thankfully, the children’s other grandparents were able to take them in. While we were not the primary caregivers, we have been able to support and encourage those grandparents through prayer, listening, and practical help.

The Gospel And Caring For Vulnerable Children

As Christians, we know that adoption is a beautiful picture of the Gospel. Through Christ, God welcomes us into His family and calls us His children. Scripture repeatedly reminds us to care for vulnerable children, widows, and those in need.

Because of that, foster care, kinship care, and adoption can be wonderful expressions of Christian love.

But loving children well is more important than simply saying yes to an opportunity. The goal is not adoption at any cost. The goal is finding the right, stable, and loving home where children can thrive.

Sometimes that home is yours. Sometimes it is another relative’s. Sometimes it is a foster or adoptive family that is better equipped to meet a child’s specific needs.

Seeking what is best for the child is an act of love.

If Fostering Or Adopting Isn’t Right For You

Not everyone is called to provide a home for children in crisis, but everyone can do something.

Consider:

• Providing meals for foster or kinship families.
• Helping with transportation, childcare, or respite care.
• Donating clothing, school supplies, or other essentials.
• Mentoring children or youth.
• Supporting grandparents and relatives who are raising children unexpectedly.
• Volunteering with local ministries serving vulnerable children.
• Praying for children, families, social workers, foster parents, and adoptive parents.

There are many ways to care for children in need, even if fostering or adoption is not the path God has called you to follow.

This is a difficult decision, and the right answer will be different for each family. For some, it may become one of life’s greatest adventures. Whatever you decide, seek the Lord’s wisdom and remember that the ultimate goal is the well-being of the children entrusted to our care.

Considering Adoption?

Every adoption journey is unique, but no one has to walk it alone. Lutheran Family Service is here to provide guidance, support, and compassionate care for hopeful adoptive families, expectant parents, and birth families every step of the way.

Adoption isn’t just a choice—it’s a calling, a relationship, and a powerful reflection of God’s love for us.

“He predestined us for adoption to Himself as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will.” – Ephesians 1:5

Learn more about Christian adoption through Lutheran Family Service HERE.