Posted on April 2, 2025 by Hannah Fowler, tLMFT
Marriage & Relationships
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Babies are one of the sweetest, most precious gifts that God gives us on earth. The Bible makes clear how God so intricately designed each baby and the blessings they bring to a family (Psalm 127:3-5; 139:13-16). I remember being a new mom and enjoying the snuggles, the newborn smell, the soft coos, the tiny fingers and toes, and wondering about the specific gifts, talents, and personality that God has given the little tiny human fast asleep in my arms. I also remember the sleepless nights, the blowouts, the overstimulating cries, and occasionally feeling alone.
As wonderful as babies are, the addition of a new member to the family system is certainly a time of adjustment! My husband and I both felt the strain of the adjustment and had to work at staying connected while caring for our tiny little blessing. Below are some ways we worked at staying connected:
A lack of quality sleep is a more common occurrence with a new baby (why can’t they get their days and nights straight?!), which can begin to take a toll on us and those around us. I would find myself more emotional than usual with an inability to think logically as my brain was not
getting the rest it needed. This manifested itself in feeling a multitude of emotions each hour as well as a lack of patience with my spouse or thinking he ought to anticipate my needs and meet them.
What helped was talking through with my spouse what I was feeling and what I needed from him, with him doing the same in return. We had daily ‘check-ins’ where we talked about how we could support each other as we adjusted to life with our new baby.
Caring for a new life is rewarding, but exhausting and can leave little time and attention for your spouse. I remember feeling distance between my husband and I as our little one took up a great deal of my emotional, mental, and physical capacity. Because of this, we began planning fun little date nights at home that we could look forward to. We would watch a movie and cuddle (if baby woke up she joined the cuddle time!), get takeout or a favorite treat, play a game, or go for a walk. We would also connect over talk about the future and what hopes and dreams we had for our sweet baby. The goal was intentional time together and we found it life-giving in the early months of our baby’s life.
Feeling connected and cared for in a season with a new baby can also be you and your spouse allowing each other time to engage in activities that reduce stress. These activities can include, but are not limited to, exercising, sleeping, eating a balanced diet, praying, spending time with friends and family, and enjoying recreational activities. The 2024 article, Parents Under Pressure, published by the U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory, acknowledges that the demands of parenting can make it challenging to engage in such activities, but even small investments of time can make a meaningful difference and reduce stress. When my spouse and I encouraged each other to engage in these activities we felt cared for and then had more margin to intentionally connect.
Parenting is not meant to be done in a vacuum but with supportive and helpful relationships. I remember asking more seasoned parents when my spouse and I had questions about taking care of our baby. I remember my spouse and I asking trusted friends and family members to spend time with the baby or help with chores/errands when we needed a break. If you have supportive relationships, this is the time to lean into them or begin to create or seek them out.
There were times in those beginning months of having a baby where I thought I would never get a full night sleep again or my husband and I would never get a date night out of the house. However, now that I have some perspective, this season does not last forever. So soak up the
snuggles, daydream of your little one’s future, kiss those little fingers and toes, and also give each other grace as you learn your baby and how to intentionally connect on the wild, but amazing journey of parenthood.
References
U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory. (2024). Parents under pressure: The U.S. surgeon general’s advisory on the mental health & well-being of parents. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/parents/index.html
Hannah sees clients at Lutheran Family Service’s Bettendorf, Iowa office and throughout the state of Iowa via telehealth.
If you or someone you know is in need of Christ-centered mental health or marriage counseling, refer to or contact us today.
Not located Bettendorf, Iowa? Visit our website to see if one of our other locations is near you, or, if telehealth/distance counseling is an option at: lutheranfamilyservice.org/mental-health-counseling.
Lutheran Family Service walks with those experiencing difficult times through mental health counseling, marriage counseling, crisis pregnancy counseling, and adoption services.
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